On my way home a few nights night, I bumped into you - near where we lived - and you were alone. And during a moment of sobriety, I said, “Hey. It’s been a while. We need to talk.”
It was a wonderful conversation, except that I never asked and our conversation happened at the back of my brain as I hid behind a pillar when I saw you. Because only I needed closure and I had been too afraid.
What would have happened in another world if I had summoned the bubbling courage from the pits of my stomach into my heart? What would have happened if you said “Yes, let’s go up to my place talk.”? or “No, I think this is not a good idea.”? What would have happened if you looked at me with pitiful eyes and decided to pull me into a hug instead? What would have happened if… if… if I even asked?
The possibilities and permutations of life bother me too much and I’m still bitter that you lucked out.