Sometimes I get really confused about reality. And when it gets too hot and my eyes cannot re-focus back quickly enough, I am convinced about another life. Sometimes, I turn my head in another angle and at the right time, the sun rays bounce off a car hood and into my eyes. And I am so sure someone is fucking with me on purpose.
There are days like today where I wish I were ten years younger, or ten years older. And I’m sure that when I’m in my mid-thirties, I would say the same thing. But today, I thought about it so hard with my eyes squeezed shut that I started to panic and cry.
I thought of texting you
"good morning, I can’t sleep"
and then I remembered
that you are on a journey
which I am not a part of
and that’s okay
I can’t sleep
This weekend has been exhausting and tiring, to the point I needed a drink or two more to put me to sleep, so that I may not have to relive loops of hell in my head.
The burden of a corporeal body that has been and can be violated will remain and all I wish for are mechanical hands that let me crush the throats of men who so much as utter, “but not all men”.
In life, there is little point in trying to see the oppressor’s side anymore, especially when they cannot and never will be able to understand. People may not be an intentional racist, misogynist, bigot, oppressor whatever, but they still say racist, misogynist, bigoted and oppressive things unintentionally. But at certain point in life, injury goes way beyond intent. I can forgive you once for a mistake, twice for a mistake, all my life repeatedly for unintentional mistakes. But how many fucking unintentional mistakes do people have to make before I die? I don’t want to hear it anymore.
It tears apart scar tissue repeatedly and it gets too tiring – I rather avoid people who hold the ability to hurt. “But who will teach them? But who will carry on the good fight?” Sorry, but there has never been anything more burdensome that being a woman and I wish I could shed this skin and be a bird. Some people will literally have you die because you’re trying to be the best you can be. And some will think it’s only worthy (or worth it) if you die fighting for it. It’s baffling and it drives me to tears. But what about me? But what about me?
do androids dream? [listen] - electrical wires run like veins under silicone skin. but who’s to say they aren’t truly alive? (this mix follows an a.i. as it starts to discover the range of human emotions - mainly love - until it can no longer function.)
i. breathe - télépopmusik // ii. the son of flynn - daft punk // iii. intro - alt-j // iv. metropolis - kraftwerk // v. genetic world - télépopmusik // vi. human - ellie goulding // vii. intriguing possibilities - trent reznor & atticus ross // viii. between two points - the glitch mob ft. swan // ix. bride of deluxe - cliff martinez // x. bloodflood - alt-j // xi. reflections - daft punk // xii. sweet dreams (are made of this) - emily browning // xiii. hand covers bruise - trent reznor & atticus ross